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The horse seemed to know the pace and direction he was meant to follow. Oliver dropped the reins from his right hand leaving only his left in charge. My hands had been folded neatly in my lap when his free hand invited my left hand to join it. It accepted and remained, entwined with his for the rest of our ride home. There was no need to speak, for everything we felt for each other could be translated through the way his thumb rubbed my hand while he held it securely in its palm. My fingers returned the sentiment with a squeeze of their own. This dance repeated the length of the ride, until we pulled into the drive. His strong hand gave mine its ovation before dropping it gently back on my lap. The smile in my heart almost betrayed me, for I wanted to laugh out loud with happiness and yet at the same time, cry as our day was fast coming to an end.
Very well done!!!!! I love it too :-) Aunt Candy
ReplyDeleteOh Gina, this little drop makes me so thirsty for for the whole spring!
ReplyDeleteToni
Nice paragraph. The line about the expression of his thumb was especially good.
ReplyDeleteGina,
ReplyDeleteThe paragraph by itself, out of context of the scene, can be appreciated by the limited knowledge we know about the protagonist and Oliver.
You obviously want to show her reaction to a closeness and also her desire to have the sensation remain. The objective, in that sense, has been achieved basically through a couple of real specifics — the thumb rubbing, the ovation.
One suggestion about the senses. You might want to attract a feel of floating. You start with the horse moving of its own. While that could be a bumpy ride, the image of her dismissing the bumpiness because of a bigger sensation of floating, maybe as she sees the leaves of the tree filter overhead, could add to the joy she feels. That could also play with the use of your word of — dance.
I noticed your description in LinkEds about your novel. I’d be willing to look at a chapter. If you send me your material at my email, TomP47@aol.com, I’ll look it over.
I tutor people in elements of writing and would be glad to offer feedback. Just let me know about the major conflict in the book if you don’t show its signs in the first chapter.
Tom Pope